LinkedOut: Analyzing The Deep Dark Rabbit Hole of FOMO on LinkedIn

I used to despise LinkedIn. My mother made my profile when I was a junior in high school (back in 2015) and I never went on it unless she forced me to update my work experience. One time when I was adding a job to my profile, I decided to make some more connections. I accidentally ended up sending connection requests to all of the 50+ families I worked for an after school in the suburban town district I went to school in.

It doesn't sound as bad as it felt. If I knew how back then, I would've deleted my account immediately.

I hated LinkedIn, but I still used it. Even in my freshman and sophomore years of college, when I started to get competitive with my coworkers at jobs and internships. I wasn't necessarily looking at their work experience, but at their connections. It became like a game to me; who could have more connections, like followers on Twitter and Instagram, or friends on Facebook. It became important to me to have the most, because I am a petty bitch.

But this past year, LinkedIn started to become my friend. I started getting really serious about finding the perfect summer internship that might hopefully land me a job offer when I graduate college next semester. I already talked about how to bounce back after getting rejected from a dream internship in my last post, but spoiler alert: all my insane hours of searching through LinkedIn, signing up for a temporary Premium membership to email an alumni from my school who worked at a company I wanted to intern at, did was give me FOMO.

It's so easy to get FOMO scrolling through Instagram and seeing all of these beautiful people you go to school with going to parties together, going out to bars together, going out on trips together while you're at work trying to make money to one day do half of those things - but FOMO on LinkedIn is a real thing.

I began despising myself for having crippling depression and anxiety my freshman year of college. I did some stupid stuff. I did a summer internship in New York City, but it was unpaid. It was a social media marketing internship that I actually really enjoyed - but it didn't really have anything to do with my major. In fact, at that time I had no idea what my major was.

So when I changed majors sophomore year and actually started making friends, I wasn't very proactive in securing work experience. I did another unpaid, but remote internship (based in New York City) that was related to my minor - but again, nothing to do with my major. Then I worked three part-time jobs over the summer to save up money before I went abroad - to do a research program related to my minor (Fun fact: I actually did the minor so I could do that particular research program).

Winter Wonderland in Oslo, Norway!

And in the end, I did enjoy the research program because I met some pretty incredible people because of it - professors included. But I wish I had been more practical about my work experience. I wish I had done an internship out in London for my major, so that applying to summer internships, I would have experience.

When I came back from London, I experienced a horrible FOMO that didn't only occur from seeing different friends go abroad. It occurred from going on LinkedIn and seeing all of the "I am so thrilled to announce that I will be interning at (insert company) in (New York City/insert fabulous city) this summer!" And then going onto their profiles and realizing that they actually made use of the resources their universities offered.

So many of the students in my program have Film and TV experience (that's my major) because my university has a great Communications program. But I didn't know that's what I wanted to do until this past year. And then I started feeling like that wasn't what I wanted to do anymore - I wish I had continued on that social media marketing path.

But the reason I'm ultimately publishing this post, is because it's currently 3am where I am and I'm still up on my computer searching through LinkedIn, trying to magically find a job at the dream company I want doing social media. I haven't found it yet. But I've seen so many people who seem to be living fabulous work experiences through LinkedIn that I'm wondering for neurotic, obsessed, hyper-fixated people like me - is LinkedIn becoming the new Instagram?

It is toxic to compare yourself to other people, especially on the internet, because no two people have the same experience/background. I have great work experience - I just don't have relevant work experience. But I can't help but fixate on my resume compared to others, the same way some of my friends fixate on their Instagram layouts compared to others. When does it get to be the point where you have to step back from LinkedIn, delete the app from your phone for a few days so you stop comparing yourself and despising yourself for not taking the same opportunities your peers did?

And that's not to say I'm in any way absolving myself from blame. I did not take the same opportunities as my peers did so I am truly excited for their opportunities this summer. I know some friends who will be interning at NBCUniversal in really exciting Ad and Sales and Editorial positions. I was jealous at first, but they had the drive and the ambition at a point where I did not. They made connections and they made themselves known. I can't blame them for them.

I do blame myself.

And I'm using that blame to put myself out there this summer and try and do more networking in my major's field, while also accepting that what I used to be passionate about may not make me as happy as it once did anymore. And using that energy to find out what does make me happy.

It's going to be an exhausting summer. And I'm sure it's not going to be solved by taking a break from LinkedIn, as taking a break from Instagram can be refreshing every once in a while. LinkedIn is itself a powerful networking tool, but it is also a form of social media - that demon in disguise.