So No One Told You Life Was Going to Be This Way.

When I was a junior in high school, I watched MTV's Teen Wolf religiously. I was (read: STILL am) a huge fan of Dylan O'Brien, and I really wanted to intern for Viacom/MTV when I was in college. I was hoping I could take on the role of social media marketing intern for Teen Wolf's social media channels - and you know. Maybe meet the cast. ;)

The problem was, I didn't know what that was when I was a junior in high school. I had no idea you could make a career out of social media, even though that was the one thing I was truly passionate about. I didn't have a very strong support system during my college process who could help me figure out what I wanted to do.q23w4

In retrospect, I've always wanted to write. Hence, the reason I created this blog - I wanted a platform where I could write creatively and also post fun stuff. But I didn't know how to make a career out of that, i.e how to make money out of that. My dad encouraged me to do what made me happy - that's what he does. He's the Deputy Director of his organization, focused on building the community and keeping teens off of the streets. He works 9am-9pm daily (even most Saturdays) and loves what he does with a passion. I can't imagine him retiring after carrying the organization on his back for the last twenty-one years.

My mother, on the other hand, wanted me to explore a career in STEM/Computer Science. I'm atrocious at math, and science nauseates me. I'm thrilled for people who love engineering and robotics and physics - but when I was in high school, that stuff made me cry. So for both of my parents to be guiding me down different roads, when neither of them quite knew what I was interested in, it made me very confused and stressed out during the college phase.

If I had known then what I know now, I would've chosen to major in Marketing or Advertising with a minor in English (creative writing) and Film/TV. I would've been steadfast and stubborn in my desire to go to school in New York and I would've made sure I did everything I could to get that internship at Viacom/MTV. I did apply for a summer internship for 2019, but I was rejected.

It was kind of a long shot, anyways. The department I was trying to intern for was pretty competitive, and I didn't have a lot of experience in that field. While I do have a lot of work experience, not much of it is related to my major.

My major is Film and Television. Am I passionate about Film and Television enough for it to be my major? The answer is, no not really. But I'm graduating next semester so I kind of have to roll with it.

I applied to about 20-25 internships in New York City for the summer, all within the Film and TV field. How many of them did I hear back from? About five. How many of them said yes? About zero.

That's probably the most discouraging aspect of being a college student. Over the course of my college career so far, I've worked 2-3 jobs per semester. This past spring semester, I took five classes while working three jobs. I really didn't have time or mental sanity to be participating in extracurricular activities - but my readers, that is the kind of stuff internship coordinators look for! They don't want to hear excuses about why you couldn't do it, they want to see that you're putting yourself out there and trying to gain valuable skills that will be important and beneficial to their company.

I will be working this summer with a prestigious program, but I am stressed about it because it's not related to my major. And after this upcoming fall semester, I'll be graduating with not that much experience in Film and TV. But you can let that make or break you: instead of letting it dampen my spirits even more, I'm trying to volunteer at as many film festivals in New York as I can this summer - even one in San Francisco (I'll be in the San Francisco area, anyways. I wish I had the money to travel over there simply for an unpaid volunteer position). Over the semester, I'm going to try to complete an internship for academic credit in the field of my major.

It's really hard when you struggle with a mental illness or limited financial means in college to put yourself out there and try to compete with your peers. I know from personal experience how hard that is, when you're comparing yourself to all of your classmates on LinkedIn and you begin to feel like you're hopeless. The best thing to do is try to stay on track. Keep a goal. You don't need to know exactly what you're doing after college, but having a goal keeps you motivated and working through the semester.

Before I came to college and the fall semester of my sophomore year, I was utterly heartbroken, depleted, miserable, and aimless. Everything I was doing didn't feel like it had a purpose. I was so numb, and I wasn't excited about anything. No one around me understood what that was like, and I didn't have a lot of friends to get me through the dark days. Ultimately, I began feeling like if I had to survive those dark times on my own, I didn't need anyone. I didn't need them like they needed me.

And sometimes, I still feel that way. But it's taught me a lot about how easy it is to fall apart, than it is to keep yourself together. And I'm still trying to put myself back together - even though it's hard to stay in one piece when you have all of these internship rejections, or don't even get a response.

Getting rejected from your dream internship is hard and shattering. I've been through it. And if you're going through it too, we're not alone. We can keep each other standing and motivated to keep going because our dreams will change and mature as we do. I stopped wanting the internship at MTV so I could meet Dylan O'Brien, but rather so I could learn how to develop and pitch shows for the network as a post-grad opportunity. One day I will, maybe one day I'll do that somewhere else.

The truth is, it doesn't feel like it right now, but we're going to be okay.

After you get the first rejection, you just have to learn how to bounce back.

1. Make another goal for yourself.

2. Email the company back, with a friendly "Thank you for your consideration. I appreciate the response."

3. Look into more opportunities related to your field, and what you want to do. Look at what kinds of experience they're looking for.

4. Don't be afraid to reach out to past professors/TA's/alumni from your school who have worked there. Ask them if they have any advice or tips on their experience working there - but make sure you don't ask them for the job or to put in a good word for you. Chances are when they see how motivated you are, they'll feel more willing to help you.

In regards to that last piece, I was hoping to get an internship with a library company and reached out to one of the employees who used to attend the university I go to. We met up for lunch and talked about our past experience and he asked me what I was looking to get out of the internship. The lunch meeting was successful because he was impressed with me for taking initiative, even though I didn't end up getting the internship.

It's always still good to put yourself out there, even when you're nervous. Always remember, the worst thing people can do is say no. But the best thing they can say, is yes. :)

Hope this helps. x